i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize