Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We have so much sex to catch up on
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
