I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
