I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
