Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
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What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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