from now on my penis is your penis
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
