the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
