her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
