My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
