somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
