Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My bed smells like the plague