I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
be right there i have to get my cape
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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