did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
