"it" just moved
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
