Welp...herpes.
he thought i was a dude.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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