I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
