You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
