sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
