evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
