There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
