there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
