Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
