How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
