whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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