I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
