I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i think my cat just said my name.
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