I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
