Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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