I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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