i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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