i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
