I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
