I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
