Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
