Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
