He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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