you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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