I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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