oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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