New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Randomize
