Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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