My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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