the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
