ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
