I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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