I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
