i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
