Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It was confusing and full of hummus
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
