She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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