Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
