if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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