my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
