everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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