before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
