dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
