the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
