my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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