I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
