So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
should my penis look like a turkey
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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