The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
