I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
