My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
