All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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