would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
